As the school year starts, it’s natural to reflect on the Summer. Fellow parents share their kids’ accomplishments- conquering a new sports, riding without training wheels, spending a week without their parents. There are so many firsts that Doodlebug may not accomplish for years— if at all.

It’s hard not to go to a place of “what could be” in my mind. So I try to remind myself of many things – how far we’ve come, how loved my kids feel, and how each of my kids will acheive different skills on their own time.

I also remind myself that looks can be deceiving.

Last year, I volunteered to rotate the students’ reading books for Doodlebug’s class. That meant I was in the classroom every other week. Often when I arrived, Doodlebug was sitting alone at a table in the middle of the room. His Special Ed teacher would be standing next to him, giving cues for staying on task with his work. There was a visual list of steps taped to his workplace. Doodlebug would write one or two words and then stand-up and pace around the classroom until he was cued back to his seat. He repeated this pattern until worktime ended.

All around him students worked independently. No one else required constant redirection to write one complete sentence. By comparision, Doodlebug was the neediest kid in the class. The movement, visuals, fidgets, special wiggle seat, and one-on-one attention from the teacher all made him stand out. The image of him surrounded by, even drowning in, accomodations made me sad. I just wanted things to be easier for him. Why did every task have to be so hard for him?

Standing out and fitting in.

In the book room, I sorted through the student’s book folders. Twenty folders – 8 folders were under grade level, 6 folders were above grade level, and 6 folders were on grade level. And there was Doodlebug’s name right in the middle. Right on track. Away from the class, away from the supports, Doodlebug looked like every other kid.

He may look like the neediest, most-struggling kid in the class. In actuality, he’s right where he should be. Yes, he has a lot of accomodations. Those supports allow him to thrive to the best of his abilities – and thrive he will.

That experience was such a great reminder to me to not judge my kid by his accomodations.